Richie and Eddie famously owned a hotel in Guest House Paradiso. Unfortunately, they were short on food to serve as you all know. Here is what I would have liked to have seen them serve up.....Nil Desperandum!

Light Bites and Lunches:

Pickled Onion Sandwiches

Cheese Roll (served with mayonnaise not sun tan lotion)

Sunday Fish Finger (only served after 12pm on Sunday’s)

Poo from a very expensive Fish’s bottom (Caviar)

Main Dishes (all mains are served with squashed potatoes, exploding carrots and sprouts mexicain)

Taiwanese Ranch Style Jumbo Fish Burger

Portion of Pork

Richie’s Famous Friday Night Fry Up (only served after 9pm on Friday’s)

Fish Supper


Chocolate Hob Nobs

Traditional Xmas Pudding (coated in Vodka margarine and a couple of cans of hairspray and served all year round)

Drinks Menu

Half a pint of Mild (in a pint glass)

Steaming Cold Tea

Emergency Bitter

Old Spice (Special Offer, 25p a bottle during Happy Hour)

The Esther Rantzen (a mixture of Pernod, Ouzo and Marmalade with the rim garnished in Salt)

Eddie’s Special (a mixture of Brandy, Pernod, Paint Stripper, Mr Sheen, Brake Fluid and Drambuie! Not for the faint Hearted)